qualm, before the storm...

quality: has nothing to do with
body image.

(HELLO!!! this is NOT
a public service announcement.
it is not an
after-school special,
either).

ah, ick. it's the same old story. "my body my body. and how i hate my fucking body. oh, you know, all the things that are wrong with it... sides too fat. thighs too thick. and just look at my face. this ain't baby pudge, you know. this is... too many m&m's, after the husband has gone to bed. a direct result of the way that i pour them down my throat, one after another, without even tasting. red-blue-green-brown-yellow, in handfuls. without even tasting. just for the simple fact that NO ONE is looking..."

oh, it's nothing new, so don't feel sorry. it's been years on top of years.
layered, like the sandwich that i am
afraid to eat.

(not that there's anything wrong with that).

why, just today, i saw a little girl at target. she was a twin. dressed in pink and white. i believe she was hispanic. i belive she was seven or eight. i recall she had dark hair. i recall she was short and wearing payless shoes. i recall she had some form of HOPE.

"abuela, abuela...
i'm a SMALL now.
PEQUENA, abuela, PEQUENA.
i haven't been eating as much...
i'm getting SMALLER..."


ah, ick. baby, i know just what you're in for.

"yes dear, but i don't eat ANY of it..."